Invisible Architects: Why Appreciation for Teachers and Parents Should Come First.

By the time you finish reading this, you might feel the urge to call your old teacher or hug your mum/dad. And maybe… that’s exactly the point.

We live in a world that celebrates the loud, the flashy, and the finished product. The valedictorian, the CEO, the viral genius. But behind every one of them, there's someone or usually a few someones who built the person we now admire. They’re not in the spotlight. They’re backstage, in the classroom, in the kitchen, in the late-night text messages and pep talks. They’re our teachers and our parents.

Photo by sofatutor on Unsplash

And here’s the catch: being appreciated by them, and appreciating them, isn’t just “a nice thing to do.” According to some of the world’s leading psychologists and thinkers it’s a psychological necessity.

Let me explain.

The Psychology of Being Valued.

Harvard psychologist Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, explains that humans are wired to seek validation and emotional recognition. It’s part of how we understand our identity and our worth. When someone acknowledges our effort, especially someone we look up to, our sense of meaning solidifies. When parents and teachers feel unappreciated, they’re not just feeling sad they’re feeling erased.

Dr. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, has long emphasized in his work (Flourish, 2011) that well-being depends not just on achievement, but on recognition, purpose, and connection. When society fails to celebrate the people who raise and teach us, it disrupts that chain. We suffer, even if we don’t realise why. And that’s not just emotional fluff.

The Evidence in the Books.

In Drive by Daniel Pink, the science of motivation is broken down into three elements: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Parents and teachers operate on high levels of purpose raising the next generation, shaping minds, instilling values but are often cut off from the feedback loop that makes that purpose fulfilling.

Meanwhile, Adam Grant, in his book Give and Take, shows that people in giving professions like teaching and caregiving burnout not because they give too much, but because they receive too little affirmation in return. In short, they’re doing sacred, society-shaping word and the thank-you’s come late, if ever.

A Culture of “Delayed Gratitude”.

Think about it. We throw farewell parties for retiring teachers. We give eulogies at funerals for parents. But rarely do we stop to say: “I see what you’re doing. And it matters. To me. Right now.”

Imagine being an artist whose paintings are hidden for 40 years and only shown when they’re gone. That’s how many parents and teachers feel. But this is not irreversible.

How Do We Fix It?

Let’s steal a page from the experts.

1. Create systems of daily feedback. Studies from the Journal of Educational Psychology show that even short, specific affirmations from students lead to significantly higher teacher satisfaction.

2. Make appreciation visible. Write to your former teachers. Mention your parents in your social media. Tell your child’s teacher they’re making a difference. These moments may seem small, but psychologists call this micro-affirmation and it has massive ripple effects on morale and mental health.

3. Model it culturally. We need to move from “teacher memes” and sitcom parent jokes to something more honest. Recognition that caregiving and education are emotionally complex, heroic professions not punchlines.

   
   

A Few Names Worth Remembering.

• Carl Rogers, the influential humanistic psychologist, believed “unconditional positive regard” is the foundation of personal growth. Teachers and parents give this daily. Do they receive it?

• Brené Brown, in Daring Greatly, highlights the importance of vulnerability and recognition in maintaining human connection. Teachers and parents are often society’s emotional frontline but rarely thanked for their bravery.

• Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, writes: “What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal.” Parenting and teaching are exactly that worthwhile struggles in need of appreciation.

What Happens When We Do Appreciate Them?

Because one day, someone might thank you and it will mean everything. Or maybe you’ll realise you waited too long to thank the people who kept you going. This isn’t about guilt. It’s about awareness. And maybe it’s about sending that message, writing that email, or saying those words sooner rather than later. Because the invisible architects of who we are shouldn’t have to stay invisible.

When we take the time to recognize those who raised and educated us, something subtle but profound begins to shift. We remind people that their quiet, unseen labor mattered. We reinforce the fabric of connection between generations. And we build a culture where meaning isn’t just found in success, but in the relationships and sacrifices that make success possible.

Appreciation is never wasted. It echoes.

If you're a teacher or a parent reading this: thank you. You matter. You shape futures. And even when it feels like no one notices some of us absolutely do.